The Cost of Staying When You’re Ready to Move

There’s a career moment no one wants to talk about.

It’s not the day you announce changing employers.

It’s the nights you couldn't sleep, when you decide something’s got to give.

You’re angry.

Heartbroken.

You know in your mind you didn’t do anything wrong.

That whatever happened had to do with them — their insensitivity, their greed.

But you feel guilty. You let them take advantage of you.

And for far too long.

You get a lot of useless advice in this chapter.

"He's threatened by you."

"They are just bad people."

"She doesn't support other women."

"Come move to Workplace X, where you'll be treated better."

That all may be true, but it's incomplete.

If you're like me, deep down, you mainly blame yourself.

The real problem is what you're carrying. The pain still inside you.

You think you can "just move on," but it's in you.

Your "issues are in your tissues," stored in the body, subconsciously steering your decisions without you having any conscious awareness of it.

The thinking mind, a.k.a. our left-brained, analytical lawyer brain, wraps a convenient story around it. And we get totally absorbed by our story.

Hopefully, a change of scenery gives you that desired restart.

But even then, when you reflect on what happened, you get a familiar taste of vinegar.

You tightly guard your feelings, but those feelings are informing your decisions.

That’s why we don’t start with tactics — how to build alliances, grow your brand, or negotiate a new move.

Before a successful restart is possible, it's important to clarify "where the knife twists" about the past harm, stop brushing it under the rug, and honor the parts of us that are writhing in pain and screaming for loving attention.

With genuine self-awareness, you are finally empowered to make decisions, including life-changing career ones, from a balanced, healthier place.

You come to a group session or a workshop.

You may feel sickened, but you tell your story. You are witnessed.

And, in being witnessed, the tears may fall.

You grieve what happened.

And in letting them fall, you are literally releasing the experience.

Then, and only then, does your mind and your body get in sync.

You can finally move forward confidently and clearly go after whatever you want.

You can switch firms, practice groups, or even careers, running from your past (I've tried all of these).

Or, you can face what happened with emotional courage, and transform it into a life lesson that gives you power.

I’m hosting a private salon for BigLaw women in a few weeks.

We won’t be processing past experiences.

We’ll be looking at how they quietly shape decisions today.

When patterns become visible, choice returns.

And decisions can be made from a steadier place.

xo,

Rachel


 
P.S. If you want to think this through with me, I host small private salons. Details here (see green banner at top of the screen in the link).