Do you want to be liked, or do you want to lead your career?

As women lawyers, many of us were the good girls.
Responsible daughters.
Diligent students.
Organized moms.

When a career curveball hits, it’s not surprising that old patterns resurface.
People-pleasing.
Urgency.
Putting others’ needs ahead of our own.

I want to share a quick story.

When Kate and I met, she was panicked.
A junior partner at a large firm, she had been watching her work dry up for months.
The firm finally acknowledged it, even suggesting she make a change.

Kate had a strong reputation and an excellent network.
She was also a single mom.

The pressure to replace her income quickly, and protect her reputation, sent her nervous system into overdrive.
She wanted certainty. Fast.

When a promising offer came through, Kate was ready to accept it immediately.
Not because it was ideal.
But because she wanted the limbo to end.

She hadn’t thought about negotiating.
She hadn’t clarified what support she’d need to grow her practice.
She hadn’t considered how to handle clients who couldn’t afford the new firm’s rates.

Survival mode had taken over.
She focused on being likable, and lost sight of what would make this move a true step forward.

We began by slowing things down.

We talked through how she would negotiate, not just compensation, but expectations.
What does real support look like?
Who actually holds influence in the group?
How could she get reliable intel on pay, including what men were making?

We also mapped a plan for her current clients.
Where to direct them.
How to set expectations.
How to build referral relationships instead of giving work away.

Once Kate’s anxiety was normalized and both her short- and long-term goals were clear, everything shifted.

She negotiated a significantly improved offer.
She secured commitments around practice support.
She arrived with a plan, not crossed fingers.

When she started a few weeks later, she was already a different woman.

Shoulders back.
Head held high.

Still warm. Still magnetic.
Now grounded in her authority.

That posture gets noticed.
By others, and by yourself.

That’s where the real shift happens.

During stressful transitions, the urge to end uncertainty can cause us to lose ourselves.
That’s why these moments shouldn’t be navigated alone.

If this resonates, I’m hosting a private salon for BigLaw women this Thursday, February 12.

We’ll talk at a high level about approaching change with intention.
From choosing the right environments.
To negotiating strong offers.
To arriving in a way that creates momentum, not repair.

If you’re facing a moment like Kate’s, I hope you’ll join us.

xo,

Rachel

P.S. If you want to think this through with me, I host small private salons. Details here (see green banner at top of the screen in the link).