Our Community Guidelines

General Guidelines:

1. We maintain confidentiality. We only share if we are given explicit permission to do so, or if there's a safety concern (that requires intervention).We maintain confidentiality. We only share if we are given explicit permission to do so, or if there's a safety concern (that requires intervention).

2. We are welcoming:

   a. We include everyone in our conversations. We make an effort to mix up who we are “sitting with.”

   b. We build on commonality.

   c. We listen actively, with curiosity. We seek clarification when needed. If we are unclear, we summarize or paraphrase what we've heard to verify if we are hearing someone correctly.

3. We show humility.

   a. We say “Oops.” We apologize if we have interrupted, or if we hurt someone; whether by words or our silence. We do not respond with defensiveness.

   b. We say “Ouch.” If someone hurts our feelings, we acknowledge it.

   c. We practice forgiveness and compassion in our affairs, we practice kindness.

4. We recognize privilege: We acknowledge if we have advantages over others, and we support those who have to face systemic prejudices.

   a. Ex. 1: Race

   • Hate speech or bullying is absolutely forbidden.

   • We support racial literacy work, peace efforts/nonviolence and cross-cultural understanding. For further reading, we highly recommend:

   • How to Be an Antiracist by Ibram X. Kendi

   • White Fragility: Why It's So Hard for White People to Talk About Racism by Dr. Robin DiAngelo

   • The ABA Commission on Women in the Profession’s report entitled This Talk Isn’t Cheap: Women of Color and White Women Attorneys Find Common Ground. Note the slides referenced on the final page. 

   b. Ex. 2: Religion

   • We aim to avoid over-generalizations about entire groups based on the actions of some.

   • We respect that people come from a variety of backgrounds, including religiously, culturally and spiritually.

   • We respect one another’s belief systems, ideologies and/or how they refer to their Higher Power.

   • We do not try to convert or preach.

5. Politics. We show respect and aim to establish common ground. We show compassion for the “other,” and do not use this space to vilify others’ views. We are sensitive to this truth when we express our opinions.

6. Trauma. We are sensitive to the potential of trauma in one another. This includes:

• Remembering that trauma manifests differently in everyone; what may seem minor to one person might be significant to another.

• We let the person decide how, when, and where any conversation will take place. We don’t pry or probe. We seek consent.

• We give one another our full attention. This validates their feelings and experiences. We do not text during video meetings, for example.

• We acknowledge others’ experiences. A simple "I hear you" or "Thank you for sharing" is simple, yet powerful.

• We avoid shaming, blaming, or judging one another.

7. Kindness. To paraphrase Michelle Obama’s sage advice, we encourage one another to “go high,” even if others “go low.” Within the community and externally, we aim to speak with grace and respect.
   

Our Conflict Resolution Process:

1. We acknowledge that there's a conflict or misunderstanding in the conversation without assigning blame. We remind ourselves that people can hurt us out of ignorance, that some slights are unintentional and/or indicative of their internal state.

2. We take a break if emotions run high (including, and especially, our own), so everyone can regain composure.

3. If we are hurt by something that happens within the community (including a deafening silence), we get support externally (ex. from a friend, family, or a therapist) and with discretion (we do not vent publicly). We do not seek support or discuss the matter with a third community member (this is called “triangulating”). We value unity.

4. To support unity, if a community member comes to us seeking support (or to “vent”) about another community member, we gently remind them of the above.

5. We use "I" Statements: For example, "I felt hurt when..." rather than "You hurt me." We ask open-ended questions to better understand the other party's viewpoint.

6. We enter conversations seeking to understand, not be understood. We seek to learn, not to debate or “win”.

7. We avoid making general statements, declarations, or ultimatums.

8. We brainstorm ways to move forward, demonstrating our respect for the other person and thanking them for the conversation, regardless of outcome. Both parties should feel like their input is valued.

9. If appropriate, we follow up to check in after a tough discussion.

10. If a resolution isn't reached, we consider involving a neutral third party to mediate.